Yesterday was not pretty. The headspace was singing the blues, my temper was on a low grade burn, and it was nearly impossible to sit still at work. I paced back and fro from the pantry at work, grabbing a couple of unfulfilling grapes at a time. Half portions are going fine. I wasn't hungry at all, so I can't blame it on hunger.
Rather, I was irritable that I couldn't eat my usual volume of food. I miss the act of eating and how much and how often I did it. It is becoming ever more clear how I use food to placate my sense of boredom and life/ work annoyances. And without all the snacks and that heavy sedated feeling of food coma that has become a comforting friend, I am having to deal with what's in front of me. Like a real adult. Imagine that. No surprise I was restless, irritable, and discontent. An (unhealthy) coping mechanism is being unlearned and left behind. Like the piles of ill-fitting clothes that will be too big for me in eighty-something days.
So yea, yesterday was not a good day in terms of feelings, but whatever! Feelings schmeelings. I went straight home after work, had a coaching call, and straight to bed. Got in 9 hours of bliss. AWESOME. I know this phase will pass, and it's healthier mentally and physically not to have a food crutch.
Since it's a holiday here in HK, I was able to do the exercises with The Boyfriend today. It was good to have him check my form. I knew I was doing the squats and lunges incorrectly (they were too easy) even though I watched Patrick's videos quite a few times (does anyone else love the music that he uses for the videos??). Push ups are still tough, but think I can push myself even lower tomorrow. Skips are the same-same, managing 40 at a time. Think I can ramp up the speed just the tiniest tiny bit. Loved today's training message! It makes so much sense, and now I really understand the mechanics of why I got bigger after each deprivation diet.
My neck and shoulders are achy, but nothing new here- will just have to tough it out until I see my two miracle ladies 1) my favorite masseuse Linda (She's strong like an ox, but with soft hands) and osteopath, Audry.
Onward and Upward!
Holllllla. Feeling the aftermath of yesterday's workout and feeling proud. Yea, I'm achy from exercising! I'm not feeling it so much in the legs but in my arms, shoulder, and that area underneath your armpits that wrap around to the back. Those pushups are not getting easier. Hitting the minimum, but not in great form at all. I'll get ya.
I'm doing my skips down by a little playground not too far down the hill from my house. The past two days it has been just me and a little old Chinese lady. She will be witness to my transformation from shoddy jump roper to world class skipper in 90 days. And she will be amazed.
Walking home up the hill and up those steps by the escalator (that's going the opposite direction) is NOT fun, but I do like skipping on the rubber mat they have at the playground. As I huff and puff up my way home, I tell myself that I'm extending my cardio session and keeping my heart rate up- which is all good. Its sorta working. Couldn't do more than 40 skips at a time today, was doing blocks of 3 at one point. It's like I took a step backward from yesterday in terms of my jumping skills. UH-NOYYING.
Halving my portion has been OK- breakfast and lunch being relatively easy physically but hard mentally. I'm not getting that hungry even with the 1/2 portions which I take to mean, I was overeating before. Mentally, I'm seeing that I use food to distract me from whatever negative feelings that comes up at work like frustration or procrastination. It's tough not having food as an outlet and an excuse to delay work. Hmm.. is this called emotional eating? Never realized I did this.
Went out to eat last night with some friends and attempted to eat just 1/2 burger, 1/2 fries, and 1/2 salad. I think I overdid the fries and salad- felt uncomfortably full. But I didn't want to stop because I didn't think I had hit my 1/2 portion. Greedy greedy.
Training message came through late last night so did the Day 1 exercise this am.
As I said, I'm not used to exercising, but in anticipation of PCP- I have been doing Pilates for the past 2 months 3-4x a week so I had some endurance this morning. The pushups were the worst- even the girly ones. I'll get there! I didn't find the exercises too taxing but I was still hot & sweaty by the end. Took me about 30 minutes.
BTW, I hate my skipping rope! Of course I'm blaming it on the rope that I couldn't do more than 7 skips at some points (the rope keeps getting twisted!) but I did manage to put together 50 skips in one go a couple of times.
Felt great and I even got into work earlier than normal. Feeling very energized. Had 1/2 of my normal breakfast, it was with steely resolve that I threw away the half portion of scrambled eggs and a piece of beautifully buttered toast. I wiped away a small tear, but onward I go.
Ok so it's not actually dawn anymore here in HK, but whatever, I'm feeling poetic. I think the moment calls for an inspirational Hallmark sentiment. I'm pumped to start the program and am really looking forward to pushing myself to the max and making positive changes in my health and physique. I've never been the athletic type, in fact, I found a way to opt out of PE (gym class) in high school by joining the marching band. Yes, I would much rather go to band camp than exercise. I used to actively avoid any sort of physical activity and it is quite a mystery to me that I never became obese because I eat like a 200 pound linebacker. Maybe it's because I'm tall and big boned so I hid the weight well. But alas, that's all been changing- let's just say that my sedentary lifestyle is finally catching up with me and my slowing metabolism. The truth is that while I've never been fit, I've always wanted to be. I've tried a myriad of diets and fancy gyms but could never stick to them because I either got too hungry or too unmotivated because I didn't see the results. I never got strong or fit or lean. Having read some of the completed PCP blogs and talking to Chi L (current PCPer), I'm pretty excited about the changes to come if I stick to the program as prescribed. A day at a time, here we go.
Numbers ain't everything, but they're something solid and can provide a base of comparison for me come Day 90. I'm hoping to not step on a scale between now and then, and will rely on how I feel, how my clothes fit, and how I look.
I don't even really understand most of the numbers and I have my doubts on the validity of the fancy machine, but here are the numbers for Day 1, as supplied to me by the ever helpful trainer trying to sell me me on PT sessions. Am excited to see how they change come Day 90. Good luck everyone!
Weight: 152.9 lbs/ 69.5 kg
Skeletal Muscle Mass: 26.5 kg
Body Fat Mass: 21.6 kg
Percent Body Fat: 31.1
Waist-Hip Ratio: 0.85