I might be the first Kenzai member choosing to have my graduation photo from BEFORE I started the program. This photo was taken only 133 days ago and I am a full 6kgs heavier today.
Finishing Kenzai heavier then when I started was obviously not part of my plan.
That said...I did learn some critical lessons that will impact my health moving forward:
1. Stress creates cortisol which inhibits the ability to burn fat. Which means I need to think of stress as having the same negative effects as eating an entire chocolate cake! So take it seriously!
2. Menopause is a big deal when it comes to hormones and our metabolic systems. I am digging in and learning more in order to work with my body rather then against it. I have learned that NEAT (non-exercise activity thermogenesis) is critical so this is now top of mind moving forward for me.
3. I have always believed that our thoughts create our realities - and my negative feelings towards Kenzai the last few weeks I believed impacted my physical results. I am not saying it was 100% - but I think it contributed. I was telling myself everyday "this is NOT working"...so my body just followed my lead.
Thanks to Kim & Heidi and to the group for your support. It has been an insightful 90 days :0)
And lastly...the reason I chose this photo is because as of this moment I REFUSE to let STRESS sabotage my health. It's the dawn of a new era and I am excited to make some big changes! Cheers, Kim
I have been working with Kim on my diet and decided to look a little more into hormones and fitness (I am 49 next month). I have learned some seriously interested facts and feel like I am on the 'other side' of my 3 week tail spin!
1. I was SUPER STRESSED from my work trip. After a few great month of work and feeling like EVERYTHING was coming together…it all fell apart in the last week of the trip. This has major implications for my business and my life. The emotional toll was MASSIVE (added on to the jet lag and exhaustion of a long trip). ****This additional stress added more cortisol into my system which can create weight gain - especially around the belly.
2. My emotional overload and physical exhaustion meant I really didn’t MOVE AT ALL (other then my Kenzai workouts). I honestly barely left the house for 3 weeks. I was looking into NEAT (Non-exercise activity thermogenesis) and realized that my lack of NEAT would make a ****big difference to my fat burning.
3. Getting on the scales when I came home changed my mindset. Of course this added to my stress - which didn’t help - but the scale and pictures shifted me from “I love Kenzai…this IS working”…to “this is NOT working! This negative talk was taking up a disproportionate about of mental space. Every time I opened the app to look at food, or workout, it re-inforced the story that I failed. The following weeks images just then confirmed my new found mindset…this is NOT working. I blogged a little about the fact I considered quitting. The reason I was contemplating it was that I could FEEL myself spiral further into negative emotions around Kenzai, my stupid body, my pathetic digestive issues, and was worried that for every day I was engaging I was making things worse. So to sum up…my own thoughts sabotaged my results - not because of lack of exercise or cheating on the diet - but simply because I was choosing to believe it wasn’t working so my body was responding (and the added stress of that of course!).
The last 2 1/2 days have seen a big shift in my mental state. I have recovered both physically from my travels to have more normal energy for walking etc. and mentally I have licked my wounds and am ready to get back out there.
Interestingly- the PHYSICAL difference is CRAZY! I woke up this morning and did a double take in the mirror (wish I had taken a photo!). The fluff around my belly is GONE - and I feel great. I know we have upped the workouts with cycles but I honestly don’t believe that is the reason.
I think the combination of stress relief, increased NEAT (I walked 4 kms yesterday and the day before) and letting go of the mental chatter that this is NOT working …have made a significant physical difference.
So all in all...a great experience to learn a lot about my body and its obvious connection to my mental health :0)
When I started the program I thought I could 'control' the results - meaning if I did all the workouts and followed the diet that I would be guaranteed the results. I knew it would be hard but I believed the results would be worth it. I am a disciplined person and not afraid of hard work. So I committed. 100%.
Well...after 80 days of sacrifice, effort, stuffing myself with fruits, veggies, and doing 95% of the workouts even when I have been exhausted...I find myself completely unmotivated by my lack of results. I appreciate you can look at my photos and say - "you have changed" and of course I have to a very small degree. But the reality is - I am a steady 60-62 kgs. I joined Kenzai because I had gone up to 64kg over a 3 month stressful time and wanted to get back down to size AND be stronger/fitter/healthier. After 11 weeks, I am above 66kgs and nothing in my closet fits. My mum mentioned that she can see I am gaining weight and asked if everything is OK. Seriously?!?!?!?
Buying a new wardrobe because you loose weight is one thing...having to buy new clothes because you gain weight is a whole other story!
As I reflect on the question what has been the hardest... I think the sheer volume of food has killed me. I would typically eat much less than half of the daily meals and have felt perpetually full on the program. In hindsight I should have spoken up earlier about this. I do wonder if I have digestive issues...or if I just require much less...but I can't tell you how thrilled I was to get to AMAYW as I cut back tremendously!
I have also been reflecting on my shift in attitude since I got on the scale when I came home. Mentally the lack of results put me in a massive funk...but I was determined to really push myself last week and 'finish strong' so just used shear will power for food and workouts (it wasn't pretty).
And then came Sunday...and the mirror...the photo...the scale...pretty much crushed me. Even with all that effort - it just isn't happening for me.
Yesterday I was actually contemplating stopping. Not because I can't finish...but because I am finding it incredibly depressing and watching the negative effects it is having on me. I am happy for everyone else's success...but every meal, every time I get on the app, is a reminder of my utter disappointment in my lack of results for the effort that has gone in.
These last two weeks I have been asking myself...what can I learn from this?!?!? What can I learn about my motivations? my body? my rythms? my food choices? my expectations etc.? I will continue to ponder this over the last few days of the program...
And yes...of course i am staying with it until the end...but I am having to come to terms with the fact I might need to do some clothes shopping :0(
Been back a week and still not in any rhythm for sleep, eating, workouts etc. Just trying to hold it together on the parenting and work front, and am only just getting through Kenzai with sheer will power. If I answer the question in my current head space it would be that everything feels hard... So I will answer in a few days when I hope I get my energy back :0)
First time on the scales since week 3 or 4...and I have GAINED weight. ARGH!!!!!!!!!
I have officially gained 1kg (2.2lbs) since starting...and although I know we shouldn't measure by the scales...it was more then a little depressing :0(
Add to this my jetlag and exhaustion from a 39 hour journey home and I don't have much motivation or will power right now.
I honestly want to eat a huge bar of chocolate and sit with a glass of wine...(and SLEEP!). I have loved the program but it has certainly been a big effort and commitment. I had just assumed this level of commitment would pay off in spades...so not seeing the results on the scales is extra depressing.
The good news is that I had enough sense to blog about it (rather than digging into a family size cadburry bar!). I also know I will feel differently in a few days when I adjust my body and rest up a little (it was a very long and hard trip).
Thanks for letting me vent...
Off to change my clothes and do my workout...
After3 weeks of constant moving, hotel breakfasts, long days and late nights... I’m SO excited to be sitting at the airport in Brussels to start my long journey home!!!
Had a really hard week, missed one workout on Tuesday and had to do an emergency one this morning. It has also been the hardest week for food on the road and feels like I haven’t eaten anything I actually like in ages!
It’s been a long, hard, and busy trip with both physical and mental strains. Mostly- I’m excited to get home to see my boys ((16 & 14)... sleep... eat beautiful healthy food... and do my workouts in the SAME place every day!!!!
I’m boarding now and land on Sunday (loose Saturday to the international dateline)... so I won’t get a “rest” day... but again... small price to pay to GET HOME!
Really appreciated the article yesterday about how much energy Kenzai is taking out of me. I was getting more and more exhausted with each day and was blaming it on poor sleep while on the road and ongoing jetlag. I passed out in my hotel yesterday at 4pm and woke up at 8pm - still tired. I lied there...knowing I HAD to get up, do Kenzai, eat dinner, and finish some work. But I was SOOOO TIRED! I then read the days lesson...
It was GREAT to know there was a legitimate explanation for my shear exhaustion!
I managed Kenzai (it was extra brutal), ate dinner, and then passed out again for another 9 hrs.
I am still tired today - but am determined to keep up my workouts and give myself more down time (ie: naps/rest/mental space) then usual to give my body the space it needs to recover.
The lessons are such a brilliant part of this program...and just one more reason I really do love Kenzai :0)
Realized this didn't post earlier in the week but wanted to share. Between jetlag and work I was beyond exhausted on Monday. I was staying with a friend that night and she was trying to be supportive by telling me all the reasons why I should NOT do my workout and why I should NOT feel guilty. It reminded me of the reading we did earlier on. Ironically - her attitude made me want to my workout more!
I pulled up the emergency workout.
Now to be clear - I only did ONE set. I tripped countless times while skipping and could barely do 4 pushups. I think the whole thing took less then 7 minutes! It obviously wasn't a great physical workout...BUT .... it had SO MANY BENEFITS!
It allowed me to feel committed to the program.
It gave a me a mental 'win' that I did my Kenzai.
It forced me to get my gear on which then kept the rythm of my routine.
It made me feel mentally strong and disciplined that I didn't give in to my friends pressure (or my own!)
It allowed me to honor where my body was at physically without 'cheating' or 'bailing' on the program.
All in all - I would absolutely recommend FORCING yourself to do the emergency workout rather then nothing at all! (even when you really really really don't want to!)
while recognizing the reality of the day and where my body was at. I highly recommend pushing yourself
It took a few days of adjusting to living out of a suitcase with Kenzai - but I am in a good rythm with my workouts. The secret is pretty simple - I MUST do it as soon as I wake as the rest of the day can shift and change so there is no other guaranteed option. Period.
As for food... I am not eating anything 'bad' (which I am really proud of) - but I am NOT eating enough fruit and veg - either at meal times or for my snacks. I got to the markets this morning and will be good for my two nights in this place - but with constant moving it is far more challenging.
I liked the ATM reading today and physical explanation around the rythms of our body. It gave me a great visual and additional motivation to prioritize food (even on the road!). a
I was curious to see how my Kenzai App would deal with my travel from Australia...but I didn't expect it to loose day 41! I took a guess that it would look a lot like 39 so just did that one again :0)
Feeling the difference this week... a little less flabby and a little more toned 😀. Tried the early morning jump rope and to my surprise I got my whole workout in before I ate breakfast. I typically do it in the afternoon and had to do a few evenings last week (much harder at night!!) so am interested in trying mornings the rest of this week.
Also found out I need to head to Europe on Friday for 3 weeks for work so I think the real challenge will begin (travel, restaurants, summer, seeing friends and wanting wine!). But I’m determined to stay strong!
Got back into skipping this week and man are my calves burning! I still can't do a full 950 skips without a rest (did sets of 200 last week and worked up to 300, 300, 200, 150 today).
Am really excited to be feeling 100% healthy :0)
As for social life... I have had a pretty easy time (by circumstance NOT will power!). Firstly, it is winter here so less social events. Secondly - my first week I was mostly seasick and my 3rd week I had the flu... so pretty so far.
Also feeling more toned and less flabby - which is a NICE!
I have managed everything but the skipping this week and am hoping I will feel well enough to add that in tomorrow.
Now that I am on the other side of my flu...I can share that I had a really rough few days with eating. The first 3 days I was too sick to do anything so ate soup, veggies etc and just slept. But by day 4 I was just miserable enough to crave 'comfort food' and had a two little chocolates from the pantry to 'feel better'. Interestingly...that lead to wanting a few more the next day...and by day 5 I ate the rest of the box in less then 2 minutes . Of course, not only was I still sick with the flu.... I then felt terribly guilty and weak for 'cheating'!!!! Day 6 and 7 were hard mentally as I was still horizontal most of the day - but I was determined to stay strong.
Luckily I started feeling well enough to do the workouts (minus the cardio) on Monday and that kicked me back on track.
What I learned:
1. food brings me comfort when I am sick - so get a plan for dealing with it in the future!
2. I had been sugar free for a number of months and was BLOWN AWAY with how quickly I went from 'would be nice' to "I MUST HAVE" sugar. I appreciate this might be unique to me...but seeing it up close was crazy!
Here's to leaving last week behind me!
Recovering from the flu but not well enough to do anything yet. So incredibly frustrated as I feel like I’m missing out on the program as the days go by. Hoping to be able get back on track by mid-week...