Patrick Reynolds

Patrick Reynolds

Kenzai Member
Founder

Run 19: Bug Choke Run

  • May 11th, 2018 at 1:49AM

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This was a real low point. From the first minute of this free run I knew I was in trouble. My calves felt like someone had replaced the muscle fiber with those thick elastic bands they wrap broccoli with. Losing calf flexion suuucks, you have to recruit all kinds of weird ancillary muscles in the foot, groin and thigh to get the leg where it wants to go. So I dealt with that up to the top of the run's elevation point.

Then came the ultimate insult. I try to steer clear of people during outings, no one deserves to see the crimes against running that my body displays, but there's one section where I cut through a shopping street. As you can see from my running time, it was about 12:30 and a nice day, so all the cafes and restaurants had people seated outside enjoying themselves. Well, right in front of a busy restaurant a bug flew into my mouth (not hard since when I run I usually look like a freshly caught catfish confusedly sucking down air as the life drains from it's soulless eyes). So I can feel this thing buzzing around in the back of my throat, I kind of grab my neck like I'm choking myself and start coughing and spitting on the sidewalk. After about 5 hacks the bug comes out and I spit a few more times, and look up and there's like, 14 people staring at me from their tables - some in disgust, some trying not to laugh.

I'm still freakin tired from running, so all I can manage is to lamely say something like "I uh... bug... you know..." before scraping up my dignity and running away.

Add it the long list of reasons I'll keep waging my vendetta against running! Who thought up this program!? A sadistic madman that's who!!!

 
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10 comments

Lex S.Lex S.Kenzai Member
about 3 years ago

Your pain is my joy. Sorry.


    John H.John H.Kenzai Member
    Trainerabout 3 years ago

    Ah, all those people lounging with their lattes just wish they were running. Hey, isnt there an exercise called the “dead bug”? This could be a variation! 😂


      Jason F.Jason F.Kenzai Member
      about 3 years ago

      Protein grams!


        Janet L.Janet L.Kenzai Member
        about 3 years ago

        I have the same problem in my calves. A great program called Chisel has helped loosen them up. Maybe warm up with a few Yahoo jumps!


          Tracey N.Tracey N.Kenzai Member
          about 3 years ago

          Abandoned dog, dead bug. Your writing cracks me up.


            Elizabeth Jane P.Elizabeth Jane P.Alumni
            about 3 years ago

            And then there are sadists who revel in the misery of others 🙈 Your running blogs are hugely entertaining, Patrick. And I'm inspired to not attempt to run, though I plod through most of everything else, Kenzai.


              Scott H.Scott H.Kenzai Member
              about 3 years ago

              I can't wait to join you for K-Run Half Marathon! (Please don't tell Trainer Matt)


                Brian H.Brian H.Kenzai Member
                about 3 years ago

                Oh man, this is hilarious. Way to hang in there despite the bugs and laughers!


                  Lode O.Lode O.Kenzai Marathon | Graduating (Member)
                  about 3 years ago

                  That is absolutely hilarious! Nearly choked up my after dinner pineapple! Sorry Patrick. Laughing with you, not at you 🤣🤣🤣!
                  But hey, you did it and lived to tell the story!


                    Dave R.Dave R.Alumni
                    about 3 years ago

                    Clearly not a fun experience.


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