Renfield Kuroda

Renfield Kuroda

Kenzai Member
Business Development
swimmingly

Back in the swim groove. Henry and staff continue to try and drown me but I ain't having none of it!
My first lesson back after a month off was brutal; huffing and puffing.
Last night though I felt surprisingly good! Did a quick warm up 100, then 8x25 kick drills, 16x25 arm drills, 2x100 on 3 minute cycles, 4x50 on 1m30s cycles, then 6x25 all-out sprints on 1 minute cycles, and cooled down with a 50 walk and a couple backstrokes.
Managed to not drown and actually felt OK on the 100s; not GOOD or anything but I could do two on 3 minute cycles and I'm not dead yet so I think it's working?
The goal is to be able to do 1000, aka 40 x25 without stopping...seems EVENTUALLY doable, but still bloody far away.
Meanwhile Fat Australian Dad in the pool just non-stop laps starting before my lesson, all the way through it, and still going when I'm done an hour later. I mean I get that he's buoyant and all, but damn that dude has SOME kind of fitness going on if he can just knock out, what 2k non-stop? With a HUGE gut?!
Life is no fair, kids.


So much for The Plan.
Monday I was back in the gym for the first time in forever. Did some overhead presses: Heavy! Failed at 3x5. Did some 20kg weighted chin-ups: Heavy! Failed at 3x5.
Failure is ok. Haven't done in a while, and got fatter and soft, so that was expected.

Tuesday was supposed to start swimming...but the pool was closed and actually starts Thursday.
So instead of swimming: EAT ALL THE FOODS.

Wednesday up at 5:30am to hit the gy-...nah screw this sleeping in for another hour. Woke up STILL full from dinner. Not a good sign.
So that was a wash.

Thursday: SWIMMING! Yes! Turned into a private lesson since no one else showed up and OMG I got wrecked. Amazing how at my advanced age I immediately slide backwards in ability and functionality when I skip activity for a month. Sigh.

Came home FAMISHED and killed all the awesome leftovers including a huge tupperware of grandpa's broccoli. Love me some of them mini green trees.

Friday up at 5:27am to hit the gy-....nah screw thi--NO GODDAMNIT GET UP.
GET.
UP.
(But...it's cold out there...and so warm and soft in here...)
GET.
UP.
(But)
GET.
MOTHER.
FUCKING.
UP.
AND.
OUT!

...

Fine. FINE. FINE! Geesh...don't have to be such a tool about it...

In the gym, benching more than body weight (77kg); managed 3x4 not 3x5 but still OK; haven't benched in forever.
20kg weighted chins missed 3x5 again but meh, it's heavy and I'm tired and at least I showed up!

Weighed in at 74kg -- higher than my last year finish of 71kg, but still the six-pack isn't completely obscured by the fat layers and I am up and at it again so we shall see.

Also my flagpole isn't too bad and will get better, so onwards and upwards!
2018: https://www.instagram.com/p/BsFOyF4I-cH/
2015: https://www.instagram.com/p/2K8pfZupv6/


man with a plan

"Everyone has a plan until they get hit" -- M. Tyson, philanthropist and thespian

So here is my plan: be fatter.
Seems simple, eh?
But I will fixate way less on the visible six-pack this year, and way MORE on the performance under the barbell.

I am focusing on moving iron because I really like it; it works for me, it is simple, I have the tools readily available, and it is time efficient.

So the plan is:
Mon and Fri: Overhead Press & Weighted Chin-ups or Bench Press & Weighted Chin-ups
Wed: Squats and Deadlifts
Tue & Thur: swimming lessons

Looking to get OHP up to bodyweight, bench to 1.25x bodyweight, and squats and deadlifts as high as they will go. Also once the weighted chins get up to like easy 3 sets of 5 with 20kg, maybe I will switch to something more fun like muscle ups. Also want to nail a big old flagpole for like 10 seconds, both sides.

Also want to eat more dark chocolate.

On the Torture Myself for Fun side, in March there is a GORUCK Tough and Light, and then in October there will be a Heavy (24 hours) that I will attempt, so swimming + lifting heavy + regular Saturday training with the team is the simple formula for the duration, throwing in whatever random new Kenzai programs we can come up with.

Up and after it folks!


All the bonenkai (year-end parties) and I ain't even guilty.
Had a strong year; feeling fit and looking good and haven't murdered any of my children (yet) so it's all winning.
Taking the rest of the year off to eat and get fat and go to Disneyland (OMG Y?!) and then start afresh in January.

The plan for 2019 is: lift heavy things and get THICC.
Specifically: Mon bench and weighted chin-ups, Wed squats and deadlifts, Fri overhead press and weighted chin-ups. Tue and Thu swimming lessons again.
Weekends are for training for events and goofing off and eating chocolate.
Diet will be FEED THE MUSCLES so protein powder and eggs and I am less concerned about the six-pack and more focused on pressing body weight overhead and drastically increasing my bench to say...100 kilos? Lol, we'll see.
Maybe through in a Run around spring-time because...I hate running?

Happy New Year!


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I AM THE SERENEST! 
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Like the Onion article "Monk Gloats Over Yoga Championship", I am now so Mind Enabled that I am capable of levitating my entire body with the power of my mind alone.
This mystical state of self levitation I have enabled via meta-cognating on the real state of my true self.
I have dropped all illusion and can Truly See Everything As It Is.

Also, I am really good at sitting on a pillow in the corner and silently wondering "when is the damn bell gonna ring...?"

If you want to achieve a similar state of Total Conscious Oneness With The Universe, I highly recommend Kenzai Mind!


"Meanwhile, the percentage who practice meditation increased from 4.1% in 2012 to 14.2% in 2017. An explosion of mindfulness and meditation startups—from Headspace to Calm to Aura—have been Wall Street and Silicon Valley sweethearts, pulling in round upon round of successful investments. The practice itself has been touted as a secret sauce by many high-profile celebrities, athletes, and business people."

https://qz.com/quartzy/1465459/meditation-is-the-fastest-growing-wellness-activity-in-the-us/


modern and ancient

Patrick made a good comment about flying and jet lag: "our modern transportation is so outside of what nature ever intended that we basically break our brains when we do it".
So, I broke my brain again.
Flight back from New York to Tokyo left JFK at 5pm on Saturday and landed at HND at 9pm Sunday. 13+ hours in the air.
Now, total FirstWorldProblems I know but I got the upgrade to First Class. Which DOES NOT SUCK. Huge seat / bed, pajamas, epic food and service...and yet I am still in a flying metal tube for more than half a day, flying across the international dateline and feeling generally wrecked.
Did not manage to get much "done" -- watched a weird period Chinese movie and another action-comedy Hong Kong flick, read a bunch of sci-fi on my kindle, ate too much caloric-laden comfort carbs, got a few hours sleep...

Then again it really made me think about what "doing" stuff means. First Class so the wifi is free, but that doesn't make it any slower. I updated a few photos on Instagram and hit the 100mb limit real quick. Then I switched to just checking emails and news via Reddit and Twitter, and again every time there was a photo or video it would slow to a crawl...but I get really into reading my book and reminded myself that my brain is way better at creating images from words than it is from distilling words from images. That is, I am better at (and prefer to) read something and imagine how it is than see something and try to figure out what is going on...
Maybe that is a sign of my age? I would rather READ the news than WATCH the news.

From a zen perspective, there isn't much difference between words and video. One is an attempt at describing something, and the recreation in my head will NEVER match the "actual" event itself. The other is a single perspective view; only seen from a given angle, at a given time, not capturing anything. So no better than words; a video isn't any closer to what "really" happened than a description is.
Then again even when I experience something "live" I am still interpreting it and judging it and classifying / naming it...I did just sit there, not exactly meditating, but totally zoned out, staring at the blank screen and listening to the hum of the airplane, and for a moment I was completely without judgement or anything, I was just THERE...and then the attendant saw me staring into space, unmoving, and immediately offered me a hot towel and some champagne. Back to reality...?


new yawk
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Day...3 (?) in NYC. Lovely flight over. The problem with biz class is it's TOO comfy; instead of taking advantage of the full flap sleeper seat...I read and watched movies and ate yumminess. Given the flight time and time difference, I left at 10am Sunday and landed...at 9am Sunday.
Powered through the day with friends and Classic American Diner Experience for brunch (read: Too Much Damn Good) and then lazed about until I uber'd to the hotel and checked in around 4pm.
Hit the hotel "gym" for a half-ass dumbbell workout, showered...ordered and ate crappy delivery Chinese food whilst watching Holiday Season Bake-Off (?) on Food Channel, and promptly passed out around 8pm.

Yes we see where this is going: woke up at 3am READY TO HIT THE DAY!
Did some messing-about-on-devices and then went to the gym eventually to do another half-ass dumbbell workout, got my sitting done on the hotel floor utilizing the excess of hotel pillows staring out the hotel window into the alley behind the hotel. Pigeons fluttering, HVAC belching steam, street noises, wind-blown stuff and a city waking up. Not distracting at all, actually. Zoned right out and it was over before I knew it.

Did some "work" -- had some meetings, messed up my schedule and missed some meetings, had some more meetings, ate some food (some good, some regrettable)...and am about to welcome Wednesday assuming I can get to sleep tonight at a decent hour.

Things I (re)learned: jet lag SUCKS. When in doubt: sit. Sitting sucks, too. And sitting whilst jet-lag double-sucks (sucks squared?) but it sort of beats lying in a hotel bed staring at a hotel ceiling not being productive.

Like the man says: sitting is DOING something. I am getting my practice done. I am DOING my practice. I am actively SITTING; it is not passive. I am not "being sat" (sitted?)
I. Sit.
It is not my body sitting with my mind wandering. It is me. Or I guess we could say there is no "my body" nor "my mind"...nor even "me".
There is this meat-sack composed of recycled universe atoms that fires some synapses in a pattern that is telling those same firing synapses in that meat sack to have a thought "me"...

Bloody damn weird when you think about it...


ready for lift-off

As is tradition, I hit the local barber for a Full Men's Esthe before flying to NYC tomorrow.
Straight razor shave of everything (EVERYTHING) above the shoulders, infinite hot towels, and a lovely face steam and massage.
Perfect time to get my full body meditation on!
Result: fell asleep. There is such a thing as too comfy!

I'll try again on the plane tomorrow.


just...sitting

Up and down this week as I try to get back into routine and also prepare for another week on the road; NYC next week.
Lost a glove this morning. Stared at the lone survivor; poor guy longing for his life partner.
I just gave him my full attention, held him gently and without judgement. I did not mourn the loss of his pal, nor did I express frustration at the futility of a single glove.
I just stood, in the (cold) moment, just me and my thoughts and my glove...

Soon enough I was snapped back into the "real" and I sighed a subtle "Well....fuckit."

So...maybe the sitting helps? Doesn't change the fact that I need to get a new pair of gloves before I fly out on Sunday...


back to the regular, again
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Finally back in My Regular; up at 0-dark-thirty (aka 5:15am, at which time Fish has already woken, gotten dressed, composed a sonata in iambic pentameter, run to the gym, completed 8 minute abs twice in only 15 minutes, and adopted a panda), try not to step on anyone as I stumble in the dark pulling stuff randomly out of the closet*, dress and pack, take out the appropriate trash (today: plastics), and head to the gym.
Squats and bench and bloody damn heavy weighted chin-ups, then a soothing and much needed stretch before tuning into the repeated chanting of the heart sutra (just cannot get enough) and getting sit on as the soon feebly attempts to break over the drab gray concrete skyline.

It was nice to be back in the routine, and yet I found it "new". And I guess it really IS; I am never doing the SAME thing twice. I can never live the same moment again. Even repeating isn't really; it's more like mimicry or something; a copy but a unique instance in its own right.
So, even the same boring old sitting is always fresh and new exciting! What deeply buried anxiety about a long-forgotten high school crush will spontaneously appear in my frontal lobe to torture me with awkward poetry and badly chosen date spots? What embarrassing missed comeback opportunities will flutter just out of reach, never to be lobbed in ego-crushing humor?

* the key is I have managed to assemble a wardrobe of shirts, suits, and ties that work in literally ANY combination. Also all my socks are the same color and none of my underwear is.


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Three day weekend so I headed with my crew down to Himeji and Kobe for a mellow event; Operation Clearfield and Mission Day.
300+ people the first day, dunno how many thousands after. And all the tourists.
Got up EARLY to make my 6:30am flight, then trains, event schedule, dinners out, hotel, onsen, breakfasts, lunches, tourist stuff...

Needless to say it was a hectic weekend and I was on and off.
Got up early and got my sitting done at the hotel one day, took a break in a beautiful garden and parked on a bench facing a wall another. Interesting to hear all the other tourists madly taking photos of the beautiful changing leaves but no one was actually just LOOKING at them. I sat there for a good ten minutes listening to the wind play with the leaves and I zoned out hard into the gap a few times. Was great; sun on my face and wind in my ears.
Also tried sitting on a big rock. Not ideal! Soft cushion please thanks!


back from the Kong

Good to be back in Tokyo but damn someone turned on the autumn!
Chilly and dark; dark at 5am when I wake up to head to the gym, dark at 5pm when I look out the office window and shake my head at the hours of work I have left.

However the bright spot every morning is getting my sit on! Back in my favorite spot tucked behind the pillar, facing the window, in the stretch area.
These days the gym isn't so busy at 6am, but when I finally get my sit going, as the sun is peaking up over the concrete and steel skyline and a bit of blue starts poking from between gray clouds, it is pretty darn keen.

I keep forgetting my protein so I am lifting hard but not hitting my reps; just don't have enough muscle. And stuff is getting heavy. I want to keep going hard into year end; I find I really WANT to sit and recover after an especially brutal lifting session of failing heavy. I guess it's a nice balance.

I don't have a favorite koan, but I do often listen to chanting of the heart sutra on repeat when I sit:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a4vmA9noFXo&t=1205s

My favorite line is:
shiki soku ze ku, ku soku ze shiki
色即是空 空即是色

Which is most often translated as "form is emptiness, emptiness is form" and can be shortened to just shiki/ku (form/emptiness)

Anyway I often zone out listening to this for like 20 minutes; reminds me of the temple retreats I have done, sitting with the resident monks doing their morning ritual and we would all chant together.
I have chanted along at funeral ceremonies in Japan, too; depends on the sect/branch but seems like Soto tends to use it quite a bit.

So not really a koan, and in fact super-distractingly easy to not think of anything but just chant along...kind of exactly what we are NOT supposed to be doing!


Hong Kong!

So last time I was in Hong Kong, it was still British. Yeah, been a while.
Spent a week doing work and other stuff; met up with the local Kenzai posse and did some epic Dragon Boating with Team MILF: https://www.instagram.com/p/BqL_8T6nxkm/
Played with my extended Ingress GORUCK crew for a Stealth and Prime Challenge. Managed to win the 4-person square push-up competition and came in second for the plank competition right after it with a 13 minute plank.
Brutal: https://www.instagram.com/p/BqRcA4AnxcC/
Always fun to hang with my team and we ended up winning the competition and our faction won all of Hong Kong as well! https://www.instagram.com/p/BqR2x72nQ7L/

In between those adventures I checked out our new office in Kowloon, did some laps in the hotel pool, used ALL the weights in the hotel gym for deadlifts, saw some bands play for charity (https://www.instagram.com/p/BqOguZoHLyx/), ate way too many pork buns, and managed to hit my daily meditation except for one day when it didn't happen because HONG KONG IS LIT!

I sat in my hotel room facing the window. I sat on my hotel bed propped up by pillows. I sat in the hotel gym studio on a yoga mat. I WALKED in the hotel gym studio as some spandex warrior repeated hip-hop dance moves with a pole-dancer soundtrack blaring out of her cellphone. I sat on a lounge chair by the roof-deck pool. I sat in the hotel bar overlooking the city. (OK that wasn't exactly meditating, I think we call it "vegging out".)

All in all, I sat, and here is what I figured out (or relearned because maybe I already knew this): the more comfortable and supportive the seating arrangement, the harder it is to focus on JUST SITTING. The comfy bed was the worst; I wasn't getting sleepy, but I was so content and cozy my mind just kept wandering. Sitting on the floor with a couple pillows under my butt, or even better on the yoga mat staring off onto the studio floor, was probably the most meditative. Had to make the appropriate effort just to sit; keep my back straight and my head up and my breathing even.

The other great thing was doing a 13 minute plank -- competition started with almost 100, and after the first couple minutes it was down to 5; 3 on my team 2 over there. After maybe 10 minutes it was just the two of us. I was already tired from the push-up competition, but like the saying goes I just dug deep to find it; pushed my butt up and held my shaking arms as steady as I could. I tried to just breathe in and out as my core was melting and my shoulders burning.
It hurt.
Everyone was cheering for either him or me and I just zoned it all out and tried to think about nothing but holding my body straight. I tried to Not Move, and in trying I tried to not try so hard. I tried to not count breaths, or count anything at all. I tried to enjoy it, embrace it, ignore it. Finally I was just there in utter agony and wanting it to end, and then I didn't want anything at all. And then it happened.
I remember the EXACT moment when I gave up. I was literally telling myself not to do it, but I knew that if my right hand slipped a bit more on the wet grass I wouldn't be able to hold myself up. I cajoled and begged myself to stay for just one more breath; just hold a bit more, he's almost down, you're almost winning, just a bit more!
But I was already done and I knew it, I was just going through the motions in my mind of not admitting I had already lost. And my right fingers wiggled and my palm slipped and then sweet, sweet relief as I lay down panting and sweating.
The crowd erupted as the other guy scored 10 points and I just lay there staring up into the gray sky, surrounded by friends clapping and encouraging my heroic (but ultimately futile) effort.

It was truly a moment! And now but damn my abs are sore...


making waves
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Aka DOES NOT FOLLOW DIRECTIONS.
You and your silly RULES tellin me how to get my serenity on!
Here's how I do it:
Sit on poolside lounge chair. Don't elevate butt. Back straight? Bro, it's a LOUNGE chair. Stair at the wall to avoid excess visual stimulation? Let's stare at the waving surface of the pool as Buoyant Australian Guy does his morning laps.
Eyes open and relaxed? Let’s go for squinting in the morning haze.
Yup, if zen meditation is a game of FourSquare I got all my tiles lined up DIAGONAL: Pretty. Sneaky. Sis.

Still winning on the breakfast. Other meals...well the Chinese Food is DAMN TASTY.
Also squats on a smith machine suck. SUCK.

Big Kenzai Reunion Dinner tonight so expect silly photos and possibly debauchery.


End of Week 2

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